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Running to Stand Still…

“…And so she woke up

Woke up from where she was lyin’ still.

Said I gotta do something

About where we’re goin’…”

(Running to Stand Still by U2)

Like them or loath them, U2 are one of the most successful bands in the world and for me, this has always been one of my favourite U2 songs.  From way before I was consciously feminist and vocal, the words of this song spoke to struggles, wars and heartaches I had going on deep inside my teenage self and beyond.  Now… they speak to me as a woman in a much wider universal struggle.  Now these words describe the perilous existence and the perceptible non-existence of women across this globe.   These words describe the resilience of women…and isn’t it bloody well that we have resilience since we have been having the same conversations, asking the same questions, beating the same drums generation after generation after generation.  When does it end?

I have to ask myself a question so often these days…

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK??? 

We have a vulnerable woman living with mental illness who is manipulated and mocked by those supposed to protect #RIPDaraQuigley you sweet soul … We have the women of Ireland continuing to be treated as second class citizens in their own country through the lack of autonomy, respect and control over their own bodies #Repealthe8th …

We have sentences being handed down for sexual offences against women and children and men that range from suspended sentences to six months to 12 years – what is going on with our judicial system??? Where is the consistency???  It does not matter that it is a first offence, or that the offence will effect the perpetrator’s future prospects, or that the victim had 5 alcoholic drinks – the person responsible for the crime is the attacker.  The message must be made clear that sexual assault and rape will not be tolerated in our society and the sentencing for these crimes must support this CONSISTENTLY.

We have the shameful and disgraceful legacy of Church and State Mother and Baby homes all over this country where, we all know, there are most likely more horror stories like Tuam awaiting discovery #TuamBabies And the leaders of our country, the politicans we elected and ourselves…we, the citizens of this State, continue to dishonour those children and their mothers by demanding that every single child and mother is accounted for and afforded a peaceful, dignified and deserving resting place…

And those are a mere few examples.

 

 ” …You gotta cry without weeping,

talk without speaking

Scream without raising your voice… “

(Running to Stand Still by U2)

There have been times in my life when I have wondered what it’s truly like to be a man.  I’ve thought lots of things…like does having a penis actually make you more powerful? Or is it just the fact that you go around stabbing people with it that gives you some sort of elevated sense of self worth?  (Generalisation and choice of words here could be debated but you get my point)  Why did men get to have a penis instead of women?  Why do men seem to be in charge most of the time?  Why does it seem like men, white middle aged men in fact, control EVERYTHING?  Why couldn’t I have an opinion as a teenager without being called a bitch, bossy, fat cow (I am on the curvy spectrum but what the fuck has that got to do with it?), fat stupid bitch, know-it-all, whatever – your opinion doesn’t matter anyway?  There was never the same extent of disdain for boys and their opinions…that baffled me.  Why is it such a problem to hear a woman’s voice?  To see a woman’s body?  To acknowledge women’s autonomy and power in this world?

Fucked if I know!!

(I have an idea actually … privilege … but that’s a whole other box of frogs!!)

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Mansplainer…

I recently had an kinda funny though sadly familiar encounter. While out one evening, I met a friend of a friend who felt it was their opportunity, Nay! their duty to open my eyes to the futility of feminism and the fact that it was a dead ideal in today’s society.  Now at this stage in my life, I can spot a Mansplainer a mile away and I am well used to the arguments and reasoning served up to ‘educate and enlighten’ me on my ‘disillusioned lost road’.  I’m not a feminist to argue with anyone, I’m a feminist because I believe in balance.  I’m a feminist because I believe in equality in opportunities and life for all genders, all ages, all creeds.  There is no argument that can sway me from these beliefs.

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So, as the discussion or banter progressed, the usual arguments came forth – the Constitution doesn’t effect us regular people on the ground,  Women are treated equally now – feminism as a movement is dead and gone…  the Brogressive attitude became the forerunner for a while but it was pushed back a bit by the ‘You’re not doing yourself any favours’ bit.  I have to admit I found myself rising to the argument slightly then I thought to myself…what the hell am I doing?  This isn’t an exchange of ideas here… I am being told what I should be thinking and there’s no opening for discussion.  So I smiled a little, I re-iterated again and again that I didn’t agree and smiled again at the gleeful cry with clapping hands ‘I love a good argument!’.

One thing that was said struck me, however, I was asked which person was more valuable to society – Bill Gates or the person sitting in front of me?  My answer was both are of equal value and I truly believe that.  He felt he had triumphed in this perceived failure on my part ‘No…not at all… Bill Gates is more valuable because of his wealth and influence…I don’t have those.  I see things as they truly are’

I would argue that his view is clouded by perceptions of value based on material value and what comes with it.  No matter the roles we play in life, professionallly or personally, we are all just people at the end of the day.  And until we learn to value each and every person for the human being they are, there will be no balance.

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Brasserie Sixty6 … You little Minx!

This is a restaurant on South Great Georges Street in Dublin 2 that I have been wanting to visit for the longest time (one on my very long list!) and on Tuesday evening, I finally got there!

From entering the establishment, the lighting is subtle and warm and the atmosphere has an audible hum of chat and laughter that doesn’t offend the ears…quite the opposite in fact…it draws you in.  We were met by a friendly and smiley host who found our reservation in moments and brought us to an area where we had a choice of seats.  Seated happily, he pointed out the Cocktail menu, gave us the A La Carte menu and also the Pre Theatre menu.  Of course, very importantly, he provided us with the wine list… and oh what a list it is!  My friend and I decided to go with the Pre-Theatre menu which is excellent value at just €27.95 for three courses.  This is available ALL night from Sunday to Wednesday & until 6.30pm on Thursdays to Saturday and lunchtime too on request.  There are excellent choices too with five starters, five mains and four desserts to choose from. Ohhhh the dilemma of what to choose… it took me a little while, I can tell you!  A really lovely waitress came and brought us water and some yummy grained bread and butter.  We chose from the extensive wine list the Finca Museum Vinea Crianza, Tinta del Pais (Tempranillo) (Cigales, Spain 2011) as we both really enjoy red – it was quite exquisite.

I finally decided on Wild Mushroom Soup with parmesan, truffle oil and pickled enoki to start – it was absolutely delicious.  We both had the same.  It tasted purely of Wild mushroom, which I know is stating the obvious, but too often that is not what a soup ends up tasting of…what it’s supposed to be!  The garnishes only added to the flavour and did not overpower the natural earthiness of the dish at all.

For main, I ordered the chargrilled 6oz Sirloin of beef with bearnaise sauce, crisp watercress salad, thick cut fries and pesto rolled greens at a €5 supplement but let me add that it was worth every cent.  My request for medium steak was noted, delivered and it was the perfect size to enjoy without feeling overstuffed; especially after having had soup to start.  My friend had ordered the same but well done and was very happy with the quality of the food.

And dessert…well…this is where things might get a little…hot under the collar!!!  My friend order the Peanut Butter Mousse with chocolate sauce and chocolate ice cream and I won’t lie… it was fabulously decadent.  There was lots of sighing and Mmmm-ing going on at the table.  But the pièce de résistance for me was the Pecan Pie with creme anglaise and chocolate ice cream…I quite literally had a Sweet Pie-gasm in my seat!!! It was lusciously gratifying with the crunch of pecan against the buttery, syrupy filling and the crumble of the sweet pastry.  Even thinking about it now, I am weak with desire!!!

Ahem…anyhoooo… the staff were at all times attentive yet unobtrusive and the background music just loud enough to keep other conversations, and our own, private – exactly what you want really.  I apologise for the lack of photo evidence but everything was eaten by the time I remembered to take any photos! 🙂

My only negative is that though the toilets were clean to the eye, the odour left much to be desired.  That’s a problem very easily fixed though but worth mentioning all the same.

Thank you very much Brasserie Sixy6 for a thoroughly enjoyable evening.  I really, really liked this place and I will, most definitely, be revisiting.

 

 

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Take me to the Island…

….because it’s so damn beautiful here.  I spent a week on Inis Oirr, the smallest of the 20160703_135314 Aran Islands off the coast of Galway in the West of Ireland at the beginning of July.  Let me tell you, without doubt, it is one of the most wonderful places on this earth.  If you haven’t been – you must visit.  If you have been – then you know exactly what I’m talking about.  I was there with my two boys, Jack and Daniel (and before you ask, it wasn’t a deliberate decision to name them after my favourite bourbon…Cross my heart!! 😉 ) and we were sharing a house with a friend and her daughter.

So I go to Inis Oirr really because of my Spiritual Guru – my dearest friend Paula; who moved Facebook-20160705-123950 (2)here from Dublin to marry an Islander Paidraic.  What a change in life?  Yes indeed but she loves it!!  They have three beautiful children and she absolutely loves living on the Island.  Paula is like my Earth Mama… she bakes beautiful cakes and breads, she cooks sensational food and she is a Reiki Practitioner. She also writes from her soul (Blog @donkeyshindlegs check her out or you’re seriously missing out).  Don’t get me wrong – she gets frustrated and pissed off like any of the rest of us.  And I know there are times when having three kids and a very Quiet Man must be exhausting and exasperating but she has found her Zen.  She is the most wonderful, caring and patient Woman though (I know you’re going to read this Paula so just a reminder…you’re the whole package!!) and…she is my wonderful, sexy, beautiful BFITWWU!

20160703_135541The Island itself is a thing to behold…rugged beauty hewn from rock and etched in luscious greens and smoked silver greys.  The island is around 3km x 3km with rolling hills (that sometimes feel like Croagh Patrick but they are so far from it, in truth!!) and really, it’s easily covered by foot or by bike (a word of caution if cycling however, the hills, though small are steep and can be a recipe for disaster for children on bikes even with helmets – I’ve witnessed numerous visits from the Air Ambulance helicopter!).  Taking a stroll around to the lighthouse or out to the shipwreck of the Plassy (seen on the intro to the wonderful Father Ted) lets you see Inis Oirr in all it’s diversity come alive.  The uniquely built walls hugging the narrow roads leading past Aras Eanna – the Arts Centre on the Island (another must see) takes you through the Island around small high walled fields with perhaps one or two cattle with calves within.  And the sunsets… Sweet Mother of Divine!!  They are to die for!  The colours are exceptional and on a clear day, I really mean it, you can can see forever across the golden lit sea.

There are a number of places to eat on Inis Oirr too… all of them of great quality and ooohhh so tasty!  My favourite has to be ‘Teach an Tae’ – a cafe run by the loveliest woman Alissa and her husband Michael. I cannot visit the Island without at least one visit (per day) to this delectable establishment.  The lunches are delicious and the cakes are without comparison…OH MY SWEET HEAVEN!!! Everything I have tasted has been scrumptious though one of my front runners has to be the Carrot Cake…soft, sweet, spiced, luscious

 

and topped with dreamy, creamy frosting.  I wonder do they do postal orders??? lol  While there with Jack and Daniel, I had the Island Tart – a savoury tart of baby potatoes, herbs, eggs and feta or goats cheese – YUM!  Jack had the Fish of the day – fresh caught Pollock and Daniel had Potato and Leek soup – everything freshly made on the premises.  I had Lemon Poppy Seed cake with vanilla ice cream – Lush!  The boys had brownies and I didn’t even get a chance to get a photo!! lol  The Staff are soooooooo lovely too… I just can’t say enough nice things about this place… it’s a must if you’re on Inis Oirr.  Rory’s is gorgeous too and the Hotel and Tigh Ned’s do lovely food… to be honest – I haven’t had a bad meal anywhere!

We visited Aran Seaweed Baths & Spa and were looked after by the wonderful Annette and it was so wonderful.  She is the most attentive, lovely and, I might add, patient lady having to deal with three children in one go!!  We all had a seaweed bath and it was to die for!!  I would highly recommend it for de-stressing and your skin  is left so soft… I want to go again!  If you want some pampering then Annette is the answer!

 

Finally, there is the secret beach… which for obvious reasons I can’t tell you where it is… but let’s face it … the Island is 3km x 3km so you wouldn’t have a hard time finding it! lol It’s a place of zoning out and disconnection and it’s perfect.  And Spike – Paula’s dog – well… he just loves it there… he’ll spend a whole day at the beach, eating rocks (no… he has no teeth left!), chasing waves and then he’ll flake on the couch for 24 hours!!! He’s got the right idea!!

 

Don’t wait… visit Inis Oirr… you won’t regret it!

 

 

 

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Catch more flies with Honey…

I am compelled by the heaviness in my heart today to write this post.  Another day with lives lost to senseless terrorism disguised in a commitment to a blind faith or dedication to a cause promising adulation by virginal maidens on the sacrifice made.  I am making the assumption that this vile act of hate will be claimed by ISIS or another linked group and If I am wrong then I will stand corrected.  However, we, as a global community are becoming accustomed to the fact that these devastating atrocities trace back to these extremists and their unconscionable desire to kill and maim in the name of their cause.  And please remember, their cause is not Islam – their cause is not about any true belief for the betterment of any group.  Their cause is power, violence, greed and chaos.  Their power is pain.

I’ve sat here all day with this running through the back of my mind and I’ve thought about what I can do to combat this… What can I do from my desk here in Dublin?  or my home in Meath?  or my blog online?  And the only answer I consistently come up with is… You catch more flies with Honey than Vinegar!  If you sIMSPON GROUP HUGfeed Darkness with Darkness… it only grows… however if you introduce light, however small, that darkness gives – even by a trace.  The only way to oppose such blatant hatred is to display blatant unity and love.  Now, don’t switch off on me and think ‘Jaysus!! She’s gone all airy fairy – I’m off!!’.  I always think about things in terms of balance… Negativity is hugely prevalent on a global scale through fear and sadness and anger right now and for some time with the element of terrorism that has been growing.  These are emotions we must all feel and deal with – we can’t avoid that.  We cannot allow them to turn into retaliation and hate however, because then we feed the beast.  One way to counteract the destructive aftermath is to reach out to our fellow global citizens in solidarity and peace and support each other in any way we can in the face of this adversity.  There is massive emotional and integral strength in unity and support and this, IMHO, is the key in our mental survival going forward.

SPREAD THE LOVE! 

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For those of us that missed the 60’s … now’s our chance to re-engage the Free Love ideal (though I’m not personally endorsing going beyond hugging OK… virtual or otherwise!! lol)  Don’t feel helpless or defeated by events that happen in other countries – we can all make a difference by treating those around us and the people we meet everyday with humanity and respect.  To rephrase someone else and some other time… Everyone – no matter who you are – Everyone can make a difference.

 

Lots of Love and Hugs…. Helena x

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I don’t bite… Quick Update

This is long overdue – sorry, it’s taken a while but a few thing going on and wanting a little time to consider it became a longer time!  Anyway, here is the outcome as it stands for those wondering what happened in the end.

I spoke with the Head of Security (as I had mentioned) and he was a very pleasant man who assured me regarding the training of the Security staff and there being above average numbers in the premises in question.  All of this I had no reason to question and as mentioned previously, he was very respectful, pleasant and professional.  He offered to meet me and show me the documentation in regards to their training etc. however, I decided that I did not wish to take up any more of this gentleman’s time.  He was very prompt in his response to me and could not have been more helpful.  I still had not received any contact from The Palace themselves.

After posting my blog entry  “I don’t bite, you know… unless it’s called for.”  I forwarded a copy to the premises via email and then received a call and voice mail asking me to call back.  I did so and got speaking to the General Manager who informed me that he had tried to call me before but there was no answer but didn’t like leaving voice messages.  Anyway, he started with what I thought was an apology about what had happened that night however, it turned into an apology that he still had to listen to a problem that, as far as he was concerned, was sorted on the night.  He stated that both himself and the Assistant Manager are ‘hands-on’ and are always available to ensure things run smoothly in the premises.  He was there that night and remembered the group in question and was involved with dealing with them.  I said to him that I didn’t know what the issue was that necessitated Security being involved on a large scale however I was surprised that they were allowed to stay – he stated that they always try to talk things down and I can respect that.  We talked and went through the details of the night and he mentioned being able to check the CCTV cameras in a manner that quite frankly seemed to throw doubt on whether what I was saying actually happened or not.  I again referred to the bar staff asking if we were ok on a number of occasions, I referred to approaching a member of security and asking for help which never transpired and I ended with a plea to indeed examine the CCTV cameras and observe exactly what I had just told him.  He then said that he couldn’t take my word for it, he would have to talk to the Security Staff.

At this point, I felt completely disregarded as a customer who had a negative experience, as a woman who was touched without consent in this premises under this persons watch,  as a woman telling the truth but couldn’t be accepted as such.

In short, there is no resolution to this incident because like so many other incidents in so many other circumstances, this was brushed aside with a closing joking comment of “Sure you’ll buy me a drink the next time you’re in, won’t ya… that is, if ya don’t boycott the place!”

Buy your own bloody drink.

Helena

 

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“I don’t bite, you know… unless it’s called for.”

Audrey Hepburn to Cary Grant, Charade (1963)
Well…this is one occasion where I must bare my teeth!! It was Saturday night – my friend Carmel and I hadn’t been out together since before Christmas as we both had a lot of stuff going on.  It was a toss up between heading into Dublin or for a change, going for a drink in Navan which is a little closer to me and it would work out considerably more budget friendly.  We opted for that and I cooked a yummy coconut, mango and chicken curry for dinner (even if I do say so myself 🙂 recipe to follow at another time).  Anyhow, the time we headed out it was around 9.40pm and we opted for a popular spot which has a Piano bar that stays open late.
When we got in there, it wasn’t too busy so we were able to get two seats at the bar by one of the narrow stain glass window partition that sections off the long bar.  We sat facing the bar, slightly toward each other, chatting and laughing our asses off as we sipped our drinks.  It started out as a really enjoyable night.  We didn’t make it to the end of our first drink before a large group of men (a stag from Kilkenny of about 15 altogether), pretty well seasoned, descended upon us.  I do not use that phrase lightly, they literally ‘descended’ upon us.  We were suddenly squashed against the bar in our chairs – It was like we were the centre of gravity and they couldn’t physically move away.  Now, don’t misunderstand me – when I say this I don’t mean it in a narcissistic way.  I actually mean it in a claustrophobic, freak us out way… in the ultimate ‘Get off me Man!!!’ way.
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It started out as a bit of banter and a bit of chat and you know what…that’s grand!  Who doesn’t like good auld joke and a laugh when you’re out for the night?  Then there was a hand on the shoulder…then this progressed to an arm around the shoulders….with the hand reaching down curiously close to my breast.  (Yes…they’re great boobs but they’re mine…no access to the uninvited – thank you!)  There were hands anonymously running through my hair and my friends too.  With each shrug off, the arms and hands returned with a vengeance.  On both of us.  I started out politely and clearly stated “Now Lads, you have to move back, stand away from us and put your hands in your pockets – that’s enough.  No more” This initially got two brothers to back off slightly (as in 6 inches or so).  They moved to one side and in sidled a few more.  This continued and escalated to hands moving down to grab our arses and bodies literally pushed up right against us (and no – it wasn’t that full in the place).  Getting up to go to the toilet was like taking your life in your hands – I actually had to use my chair to push my way through the men and make my way out.  My friend stood up, turned around and told them in no uncertain terms, to take their hands off her, not to touch her again, to get back from her and to leave her alone (with a few necessary F**ks thrown in for effect).  This was necessary twice within 10 minutes when the behaviour just kept repeating itself and then I had to follow that with a similar repeat warning of my own.  At this point, there were a number of Security talking to some of the men and things got very intense.  I’ll be honest, I was hoping they were all going to be chucked out.  I don’t know the reason that Security were involved and after a few minutes, they all seemed to relax.  Some of the Security moved away however, one of the men seemed to move to strike a Security man and some of the men were escorted outside.
untitled (5)I don’t lose my cool very often – I’m very much a ‘catch more flies with honey’ type woman however, I was fecking furious by this point because the other men remaining started again.  I got up out of my seat, walked to the closest Security Man and explained how we had been subjected to completely inappropriate touching by these men throughout the night and despite being asked numerous times to stop – they wouldn’t.  I asked him if they could please do something about it.  He said he would talk to the men straight away.  In that time, my friend also spoke to one of the bar staff who asked if she was ok – my friend replied that she was not and she said how she found the actions of the men to be completely out of order.  The bar tender said she would speak to the Security straight away – which she seemed to do, the same guy I spoke with – he was back at his post a couple of moments later however, not having spoken to the men, despite both our requests.  From that moment onward, the Security Man watched us with a hawk eye’s which, as you can imagine, was a little uncomfortable and then down the bar, the remainder of the group stood staring up at us until the end of their night.

Can anyone tell me when it was decided that if you talk to someone in a pub or club, that it entitles you to touch them in any manner whatsoever?  Or indeed, you don’t need to talk to them at all.  At another point in the night, I watched as a different man altogether came to the bar and slipped his arm right around Carmel’s waist – she simply removed it – to which he immediately apologised and said ‘Oh Sorry, I’m just going to the bar’.  WTF??  I, personally, would never approach a bar to get a drink and slip my arm around a woman or a man under that pretext.  Is there a preconceived notion of ownership over women?  What does it take for No to mean NO?  Is it actually too much to ask for the simple concept of personal space to be acknowledged, respected and maintained?  I know that alcohol was involved in the circumstances on Saturday and as an element, is not usually conducive to positive experiences in such circumstances.  But I have to also point out that alcohol does not cause men to think or act like brainless, misogynistic assholes – those have to be characteristics already intrinsic to the person in the first place.  Out of that whole group of men, there was one man who sincerely apologised for the behaviour of some of the others.  1 in 15 with a conscience appears to be a pretty sad and scary statistic.  According to the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre,  sexual assault occurs where a person is subjected to a sexual act (sexual touching or penetration) without his or her consent.Whether or not physical force is used, sexual assault is an act of violence.  It is a profound physical and personal violation of the individual.  Research shows that the primary motivation in sexual assault is the meeting of the perpetrator’s non-sexual needs for power and domination and their expression of anger, rather than their sexual gratification.

The other issue is the establishment where this occurred and their responsibility to their customers.  We were in a very visible position at the bar and we were asked if we were ok by the bar staff so that says to me that they were aware that we were in a compromised and uncomfortable position.  Yet no action was taken to offer us any assistance and despite our request for help – nothing was done.  We were watched by a Security Man for the last part of our evening but I’ll be honest, that was just plain uncomfortable.  And when it came to leaving, I was more uncomfortable because I didn’t want to meet any of them outside.  I’m no wallflower, I’m well able to look after myself but I’m no idiot either.  Two women versus a large group of alcohol fuelled men with ever so slightly bruised egos does not compute.  We headed out onto the street to hail a taxi ourselves with no more security on the lookout.
I contacted the bar in the days that followed by email describing exactly what had happened and how both my friend and I were treated and made to feel as a result of this.  Within 24 hours, I received a call from the Director of the Security firm that provides the staff for the venue.  He was a very professional man who also deals with the training for the organisation.  He sincerely apologised the for the experience we had on the night and we are due to meet in the coming days to have a chat about the relative training that is provided to his staff.  I will update you on that progress and to be honest, if my gut feeling is correct and given his reaction to the events of that night – this is an issue that he takes very seriously both on a professional and personal level.
What I am disappointed with, however, is that I have not received any contact from the venue themselves.  Not even an acknowledgement to my email.  This is not only bad form and let’s face it, unprofessional – it speaks volumes about this establishments attitude to a very serious and pertinent issue that is ongoing for women.
Hopefully, I’ll update you with more soon.
In the meantime, this is my outfit for next weekend! 😀
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Helena xxx

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This is my workspace… That is your workspace…

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Just to clarify, the following experience happened early in my working career (and I started working at 14 years old!) many, many moons ago.

What would you do if …

…you were in work one day, busy as usual, then break comes and you decide to pop out to the shop. You walk out to the lift, step in and just before the doors close, your supervisor pops in. It’s just the two of you but at that moment you think nothing of it. The doors slide closed and before you could say ‘how’s it goin?’ – He moves right up against you, pushing you back against the back of the lift and tries to kiss you. It’s only a matter of seconds but it feels like forever as you raise your hands to his chest to push him off you, the lift doors ping, he smirks, moves away and is gone.

What would you do?

Let me clarify a couple of points… I was married, he was married, we were working in a small department of close knit people in a great company. There had been absolutely zero expression of interest in any way whatsoever on my part and if there was any on his, I never picked up on it. What did I do? Nothing. Except walk out of the lift, out of the building, around the corner and I retched over and over again. I was not very confident at that point in my life and I felt completely compromised. Because the team as a whole was so inter-reliant, I felt I couldn’t talk to anyone else about it so I stayed quiet. I spent a significant amount of energy ensuring that I avoided eye contact with him, where possible that I did not spend time in his company alone. However, he was my next in line Supervisor so he flexed that muscle and used that to manipulate time for a ‘meeting’. He sat beside me, so close his right thigh was up against my left thigh and his arm was constantly rubbing off mine. I just kept shifting my chair and he in turn did the same. He brought no paperwork to the meeting and when I asked the reason for the meeting, he just smiled and said that he wanted to catch up and have a chat. I gave him a run down on my work and where things stood in my brief but he just brushed it off and asked how I was and how were things at home. He asked was there anything he could help me with and he started rubbing my arm with his hand. I told him no, there was nothing he could help me with and I moved away again. He then started to talk about my attitude to my work and that my enthusiasm could do with improving. He said he wouldn’t like to see it affecting my Annual Review. I was speechless. He told me to think about it and he left the room.

And still I told no-one. I felt it would be considered my fault. I did not want to disrupt the status quo of the team. For some inexplicable reason, in hindsight, I didn’t know if I would be believed! I was intimidated by his qualifications, his manner, his personality and his veiled threats. In my position, my compromised anxiety filled terrified position, I could not see past his influence. That’s the thing with fear – it clouds your vision until you can’t make out the shadows from reality. I started to miss days in work more and I withdrew from my other work colleagues. Comments like ‘You were laughing too loud at lunchtime in the Canteen – keep it down’ and ‘Wear that top again tomorrow, when you lean forward I can see your breasts’ compounded my feelings of inadequacy. Then, out of the blue, he announced he was leaving. I didn’t actually believe it until the day he walked out the door. Needless to say, that’s one leaving drinks I did not attend.

So What would you do? Not what I did, I hope. Now my reactions would be completely different from the very first moment.

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But if, like me, you have the misfortune to cross paths with a person of this ilk and you’re not sure what to do – these are just a few pointers I wish I had realised/known back then:

  1. No-one in the World is better than YOU.
  2. Don’t think about everyone else and how they’ll react or be effected. Think about YOU and how you are reacting and how it is effecting YOU.
  3. Turn away…Walk away…Call for help…Walk straight to a Managers Office and tell them…Walk straight to HR and tell them. It’s easier to act immediately rather than later, when your unreasonable arguments seep in to your brain.
  4. Yes, unfortunately this can happen, even in 2016 and Yes – it could happen to you. Don’t doubt yourself. TALK to someone…anyone to start with. Then talk to someone in HR in confidence.
  5. Read the Dignity in the Workplace Policy issued through the HSE Dignity at Work Policy so that you are informed and aware of your rights.
  6. Every employer should have a policy & procedures to prevent and deal with harassment at work and it should clearly set out what is unacceptable behaviour at work. All employees must be made aware of the grievance or complaints procedure in place. The Code of Practice on Sexual Harassment and Harassment at Work gives practical guidance to employers and employees to put procedures in place to deal with sexual harassment and harassment at work.
  7. Remember – no matter what a persons job is; whether it’s CEO or Teacher or Director or Doctor – that is only a role they hold. First and foremost – they are just a person. Nothing more…Nothing less. Do not be intimidated by a person…remember No.1
  8. Someone else’s words only hold the power that we are willing to give them. Again…remember No.1

I hope this might help you out – we are all entitled to Dignity at Work and in life.

Chat soon… Helena x

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2016…The Year of the Woman.

Welcome to January 2016…

I’m just letting you know right now that I’m claiming this year.  I’m undoubtedly and without reservation putting my stamp on this year and making it my own.  Of course, there’s time enough for everyone and should you wish it… you can stake your claim too.  What’s so significant about the next 52 weeks, you might ask?  At the moment, most significantly, that the last 52 weeks were completely shite (with the exception of one or two highlights…and I mean one or two).  In fact, it goes beyond that to a pretty trying previous couple of years too.  So I’ve had enough.  It stops now.  I no longer accept ‘existence’ – I want to LIVE life in all it’s possibilities.  I am not tolerating anymore crap.

Now this is not a resolution…No…No…No.  This is a Declaration of Intent.  I intend to bring positivity into my universe so that I can surround myself with like minded and like hearted beings.  This is the environment in which I want to exist and move forward in my life.

I want some fucking good kharma and I WANT IT NOW!!!

And 2016 is not going to be all about me, believe it or not! 😀  2016 is going to be about all Women.  Can’t you feel it in the air?  There is a tangible rejection of misogyny occurring in societies around the world – be it through movements and legislation against violence against women or hitting back at criticism of breastfeeding in public places to the acknowledgement and recognition of the invaluable work done in the home primarily by women or women leading through business, in Tech, in Science, in medicine.  This year will see us all witness significant voices on behalf of women all across the world in the field of equality, economy, sustainability & growth.  Investing in Feminism is in everyone’s interest.

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