Men

Running to Stand Still…

“…And so she woke up

Woke up from where she was lyin’ still.

Said I gotta do something

About where we’re goin’…”

(Running to Stand Still by U2)

Like them or loath them, U2 are one of the most successful bands in the world and for me, this has always been one of my favourite U2 songs.  From way before I was consciously feminist and vocal, the words of this song spoke to struggles, wars and heartaches I had going on deep inside my teenage self and beyond.  Now… they speak to me as a woman in a much wider universal struggle.  Now these words describe the perilous existence and the perceptible non-existence of women across this globe.   These words describe the resilience of women…and isn’t it bloody well that we have resilience since we have been having the same conversations, asking the same questions, beating the same drums generation after generation after generation.  When does it end?

I have to ask myself a question so often these days…

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK??? 

We have a vulnerable woman living with mental illness who is manipulated and mocked by those supposed to protect #RIPDaraQuigley you sweet soul … We have the women of Ireland continuing to be treated as second class citizens in their own country through the lack of autonomy, respect and control over their own bodies #Repealthe8th …

We have sentences being handed down for sexual offences against women and children and men that range from suspended sentences to six months to 12 years – what is going on with our judicial system??? Where is the consistency???  It does not matter that it is a first offence, or that the offence will effect the perpetrator’s future prospects, or that the victim had 5 alcoholic drinks – the person responsible for the crime is the attacker.  The message must be made clear that sexual assault and rape will not be tolerated in our society and the sentencing for these crimes must support this CONSISTENTLY.

We have the shameful and disgraceful legacy of Church and State Mother and Baby homes all over this country where, we all know, there are most likely more horror stories like Tuam awaiting discovery #TuamBabies And the leaders of our country, the politicans we elected and ourselves…we, the citizens of this State, continue to dishonour those children and their mothers by demanding that every single child and mother is accounted for and afforded a peaceful, dignified and deserving resting place…

And those are a mere few examples.

 

 ” …You gotta cry without weeping,

talk without speaking

Scream without raising your voice… “

(Running to Stand Still by U2)

There have been times in my life when I have wondered what it’s truly like to be a man.  I’ve thought lots of things…like does having a penis actually make you more powerful? Or is it just the fact that you go around stabbing people with it that gives you some sort of elevated sense of self worth?  (Generalisation and choice of words here could be debated but you get my point)  Why did men get to have a penis instead of women?  Why do men seem to be in charge most of the time?  Why does it seem like men, white middle aged men in fact, control EVERYTHING?  Why couldn’t I have an opinion as a teenager without being called a bitch, bossy, fat cow (I am on the curvy spectrum but what the fuck has that got to do with it?), fat stupid bitch, know-it-all, whatever – your opinion doesn’t matter anyway?  There was never the same extent of disdain for boys and their opinions…that baffled me.  Why is it such a problem to hear a woman’s voice?  To see a woman’s body?  To acknowledge women’s autonomy and power in this world?

Fucked if I know!!

(I have an idea actually … privilege … but that’s a whole other box of frogs!!)

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Mansplainer…

I recently had an kinda funny though sadly familiar encounter. While out one evening, I met a friend of a friend who felt it was their opportunity, Nay! their duty to open my eyes to the futility of feminism and the fact that it was a dead ideal in today’s society.  Now at this stage in my life, I can spot a Mansplainer a mile away and I am well used to the arguments and reasoning served up to ‘educate and enlighten’ me on my ‘disillusioned lost road’.  I’m not a feminist to argue with anyone, I’m a feminist because I believe in balance.  I’m a feminist because I believe in equality in opportunities and life for all genders, all ages, all creeds.  There is no argument that can sway me from these beliefs.

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So, as the discussion or banter progressed, the usual arguments came forth – the Constitution doesn’t effect us regular people on the ground,  Women are treated equally now – feminism as a movement is dead and gone…  the Brogressive attitude became the forerunner for a while but it was pushed back a bit by the ‘You’re not doing yourself any favours’ bit.  I have to admit I found myself rising to the argument slightly then I thought to myself…what the hell am I doing?  This isn’t an exchange of ideas here… I am being told what I should be thinking and there’s no opening for discussion.  So I smiled a little, I re-iterated again and again that I didn’t agree and smiled again at the gleeful cry with clapping hands ‘I love a good argument!’.

One thing that was said struck me, however, I was asked which person was more valuable to society – Bill Gates or the person sitting in front of me?  My answer was both are of equal value and I truly believe that.  He felt he had triumphed in this perceived failure on my part ‘No…not at all… Bill Gates is more valuable because of his wealth and influence…I don’t have those.  I see things as they truly are’

I would argue that his view is clouded by perceptions of value based on material value and what comes with it.  No matter the roles we play in life, professionallly or personally, we are all just people at the end of the day.  And until we learn to value each and every person for the human being they are, there will be no balance.

balance

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See…the problem is that God gave Man both a penis…and a brain…

…and only enough blood supply to work one at a time!

The Late, Great Robin Williams

(Possibly not the exact wording but the exact idea)

Now, I’m not exactly sure which one is in the driving seat when it comes to the subject of Pro-Choice.  I know for a fact that there are men out there who believe in Women’s autonomy and intelligence in general but once we enter the Twilight Zone of fertility, reproduction, fetus and potential babies – the Neanderthal button gets switched on for some and suddenly it’s all thumping their chests and grunting “Me know better… Me Man… Me STRONG!!! Girl STUPID!!!  Me Decide”  Note:  Many of these are suited and politically inclined.  Ahem…Well let’s get something very clear …

I am woman

Across this Island of ours, we have a virulent ongoing debate that stirs every persons blood.  Everyone has their opinion.  And that is everyone’s right.  However, when it comes to dictating to others what choices they should make, it becomes another issue entirely.  I have been trying to think of a comparative example for men but it’s not possible so this is an example to demonstrate a point… bear with me boys!

Imagine the 8th Amendment was about the protection of sperm… given that without it, life cannot be created.  And through the 8th Amendment; masturbation was made illegal – well… it does waste those poor life giving swimmers now doesn’t it.  It’s not the same for women, they can masturbate all they like because nothing get’s wasted in their practice! Score!!!  So pleasuring yourself becomes an openly criminal act.  A quick hand shandy is no longer tolerated because you don’t know who you can trust to keep your secret.  And don’t even think about getting around the legislation by getting your friends to do your hand washing for you… by virtue of the fact that wasting sperm is illegal under the 8th Amendment – accomplices to the fact can be charged along with you.  Don’t worry, if you get desperate enough, if you feel that you can’t live without charming the one-eyed snake, you can put your case forward to a panel of medical practitioners (including two psychiatrists) who will decide if you’re actually desperate enough to be justified in having a wank.  If not… it’s the Male Chastity Belt for you for the next 9 months … or until all your sexual urges have dissipated… sound fun!?!?   I didn’t think so.

chastity

You can say that this doesn’t relate… that it’s not the same… that I should stop being ridiculous.  I’m not saying it’s the exact same because there is nothing the exact same.  Just consider the effect of your autonomy being taken from you.  Think about it.

#Repealthe8th

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Catch more flies with Honey…

I am compelled by the heaviness in my heart today to write this post.  Another day with lives lost to senseless terrorism disguised in a commitment to a blind faith or dedication to a cause promising adulation by virginal maidens on the sacrifice made.  I am making the assumption that this vile act of hate will be claimed by ISIS or another linked group and If I am wrong then I will stand corrected.  However, we, as a global community are becoming accustomed to the fact that these devastating atrocities trace back to these extremists and their unconscionable desire to kill and maim in the name of their cause.  And please remember, their cause is not Islam – their cause is not about any true belief for the betterment of any group.  Their cause is power, violence, greed and chaos.  Their power is pain.

I’ve sat here all day with this running through the back of my mind and I’ve thought about what I can do to combat this… What can I do from my desk here in Dublin?  or my home in Meath?  or my blog online?  And the only answer I consistently come up with is… You catch more flies with Honey than Vinegar!  If you sIMSPON GROUP HUGfeed Darkness with Darkness… it only grows… however if you introduce light, however small, that darkness gives – even by a trace.  The only way to oppose such blatant hatred is to display blatant unity and love.  Now, don’t switch off on me and think ‘Jaysus!! She’s gone all airy fairy – I’m off!!’.  I always think about things in terms of balance… Negativity is hugely prevalent on a global scale through fear and sadness and anger right now and for some time with the element of terrorism that has been growing.  These are emotions we must all feel and deal with – we can’t avoid that.  We cannot allow them to turn into retaliation and hate however, because then we feed the beast.  One way to counteract the destructive aftermath is to reach out to our fellow global citizens in solidarity and peace and support each other in any way we can in the face of this adversity.  There is massive emotional and integral strength in unity and support and this, IMHO, is the key in our mental survival going forward.

SPREAD THE LOVE! 

vIRTUAL HUG

For those of us that missed the 60’s … now’s our chance to re-engage the Free Love ideal (though I’m not personally endorsing going beyond hugging OK… virtual or otherwise!! lol)  Don’t feel helpless or defeated by events that happen in other countries – we can all make a difference by treating those around us and the people we meet everyday with humanity and respect.  To rephrase someone else and some other time… Everyone – no matter who you are – Everyone can make a difference.

 

Lots of Love and Hugs…. Helena x

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The Divine Nine of…Kissing xxx

I don’t know about you but I LOVE to kiss… a good auld snog… a  smooch… a hot and heavy session to get the engine purring so to speak!  At this point, I’ve honed my skills and after many hours slobbering my reflection in the mirror – I’m an expert!! 😀 Seriously though, I’ve  kissed select varieties of people and suffice to say – I think I may have  encountered someone from every possible style!  From the Jaw-breaker to the Sponge, from Woody Wood Pecker to Hoover-face… been there – locked lips with them!  And yes… there were lots of them… and yes… I had a whole lot of fun over the years in my kissing escapades… all in the name of adventure and fun!  And for the most part, it was so much damn FUN!!! There were times though, when a little guidance would have gone a LONG,  LONG, LONG way… for both me and my friends!

Hence, this version of the Divine Nine:

 1.  Never… and I mean NEVER approach your partner in this fashion.imagesML3DE4JZ

You may find as you get closer… closing your eyes…  anticipating connection that you end up just  falling on your face, as they have seen what’s coming and done a runner!!!

 2.  Drooling is cute on a baby – Drooling is NOT cute on an adult.
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Kissing someone with drippy, drooly, soppy lips is actually quite gross and  can be a little bit like kissing a piece of liver! (I stress that I do NOT  know this from experience – I admit to speculation here; albeit educated conjecture!)  Would you like that sensation on your lips??  I think not –  don’t inflict it on others…not a good start!!!

3.  Kissing is about intimacy and connection – it is NOT CPR!
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Remember… the person that you are about to connect with in a very intimate way is awake and breathing.  And if they are not – this list isn’t for you!  You need to seek professional help elsewhere… GO!!!  A kiss is when lips softly touch… not when your mouth completely encompasses theirs along with their nose and you become their sole supply of oxygen!!!

4.  Keep a stash of mints/citrus on your person in anticipation of THE MOMENT!untitled (18)

Think about it… the last thing YOU would want is to have to suck face with someone who smells (and subsequently may taste) like a cat’s arse!!  So be considerate and ensure that you’re not the one inflicting that on any other poor being!  No-one deserves that… For Gawd’s Sake!!! Will someone please think of the KISSES!!??

 

 

5.  French Kissing doesn’t only happen in the USA…lemme tell ya Debbie Harry!!

When it comes to tongue… the strict rule you must images03LZU0REremember – LESS IS MORE!!

Start out tentatively… pretend your tongue is a little mouse and it’s exploring an unknown cave knowing there’s a mousetrap in there somewhere!!!  Stay around the entrance…it’s safe there!!  No-one’s Potholing here and remember going deep leaves you open to catching Leptospirosis!!! (when caving that is … not Kissing!)  Going too deep while kissing can lead to a number of  possible outcomes: gagging (which we all know is not the desired effect here!), backing away slowly (again, not a desired effect), knocking someone’s filling out (could be costly) or straight up a big turn off!  So reign that big boy in & play it safe!

6.  The Ears – Do I or Don’t I???

tangled tongue earThis is Marmite … either you love it or hate it!  It’s a really personal preference and I would absolutely advise against throwing caution to the wind and just going for it without checking with the owner of said ears before your dive in!  It can be a huge turn off…like shivers down the spine, knee-jerk-kick-in-the-ass-slap-in-the-face reaction!!

 

7.  The Neck…and other erogenous zonesneck kissing

And for those not familiar with the phrase – I’m not talking about a time zone half way round the world!!  The neck is a world of wonder for those who have sexy sensitive skin there – if this is the case with you and your partner; kiss, lick, suck, nuzzle, graze, trail, caress and nibble your way to ecstasy.  They’ll be breathless and putty in your hands.  On the other hand, if they have tickly sensitive skin there, you’ll get head butted from various love biteangles and may even need medical intervention so best to proceed cautiously!

P.S.  On the subject of Sucking necks – A hickey from Kenickie is all well and good for Rizzo (LOVE her!) but let’s face it… toothpaste really doesn’t cover them up!!  Just DON’T GO THERE!!!  or at the very least… do it where you don’t have to cover it up!

 

8.  Biting – lips…skin…people in general!

We’ve all fancied someone so much that we’ve literally wanted to take a bite out of Lip bitingthem Right?… like Chomp! They are so delicious!  You know what I mean!?? … Don’t you?? OH…OK… well, of course – you should never act on that desire… that would be… ahem… cannibalism!  But nibbling and using your teeth to graze sensitive skin can be very erotic and sensual.   Just be aware that some are more sensitive than others and some have a lower pain threshold too!  So don’t just go right in there and snap your jaws onto a juicy bottom lip … or clamp your knashers on your partners poor unsuspecting nipple!!  Start gentle and feel your way to their limitations!

 

And finally 9.  Who you’re kissing

The truth of the matter is that no-one else really gives a shit who you are kissing so just make sure that whoever it is deserves your lips.

 

Hope you enjoyed reading these as much as I did writing them!

Helena x

 

kiss quote

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